A little bathroom humour

Posted by Robert N Pruden on Sep 21, 2004

It's 0530h. I woke up this morning feeling woozey. Ate fatty food last night, peanut butter and strawberry jam, dreamed crazy dreams all friggin night, woke up with a very fuzzy tongue and slits for eyes. Couldn't see my image in the mirror, the track lighting was too bright and couldn't stand my own breath, it was an offense to civilized society. To make my breath bearable I reached below the sink to where we keep this little bottle of Listerine and knocked back a shot of it straight from the bottle while standing there with my eyes closed enough to keep the bright lighting from assaulting my mis-firing brain cells. The Listerine tasted funny, didn't have the usual kick I am used to. I wiggled my tongue around in my mouth to get the Listerine all over it and brought the stuff to the back of my throat to get the worst of the fuzz. Hmm, something not right, the Listerine is too thick, must be too early in the morning to feel. It tastes funny too, kinda perfumey, almost like the massage oil we sometimes use to rub sore achey muscles. Yeah, that's what it tastes like. I start to wake up a little. Interesting that Listerine could taste so different on some days. What the? Heyyyyyy, this ain't Listerine, it IS massage oil.

*spits it into the sink, draws back a hack from teh back of the throat and spits again and again and again, takes water into the mouth, gargles and spits again*

I looked at the bottle and sure enough, the liquid has a higher viscosity that should be expected, the color is wrong to my now wide open and leery eyes. Oh, mannnnnn, "Judy, was there massage oil in that Listernie botle?" (stupid question but needs to be asked because it's 0530h and I can think of nothing else to ask). "Uh, huh, we took it with us when we went to the hotel up in the mountains last month." *Judy grins...chuckles, rolls on the bed a little* "Great!" I say. I dressed fast, got my stuff together and sped off to Tim's, Judy still laying in bed smiling. A hot coffee will dissolve most of the oil. It worked but my breath is still slick with that perfume and there's a coat of oil on my tongue. Maybe today is a good day to sell a used car or a bridge, the selling words should slip off my tongue easily today. Some days start off differently from others.

Thought you folks could use a good chuckle to start off your day.

Robert N Pruden